Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
