I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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