you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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