Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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