im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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