it hurts more in the daytime
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
