Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
