are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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