she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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