I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
