ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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