Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
