I didn't shave. On purpose
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My life is pants optional.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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