The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
