No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
