i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
