I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
