I need help removing her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
