Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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