dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
