Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
