We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
