I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
