I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
