we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
