He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Is Oprah even human
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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