i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
she told me i tasted like america
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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