this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
