Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
