we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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