Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
