She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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