whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
