It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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