Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
