Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
