she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
