Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
