Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
