the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
