You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
