I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
