Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
