we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
