Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
