We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
