Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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