i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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