I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
