I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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