If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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