Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
This is my gift to your gina
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
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